Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but not all signs of untrustworthiness are apparent. While overt behaviours like secrecy with phones or social media are red flags, there are subtler signals that even seemingly emotionally mature partners might not be entirely trustworthy.
Here are three key indicators that your partner may lack trustworthiness—even unintentionally.
1 – They Avoid Sharing About Their Past or Family
Knowing your partner’s family history or past relationships helps paint a fuller picture of who they are. If your partner avoids sharing these details or is consistently vague, it might indicate a lack of openness.
While some people are naturally reserved or need time to open up, persistent guardedness can create a barrier to emotional intimacy. Access to these “puzzle pieces” is necessary to build a solid foundation of trust in the relationship.
Why it matters: A relationship thrives on vulnerability and mutual understanding. When a partner withholds personal details, it can feel like they’re hiding a part of themselves, making it challenging to connect fully.
2 – They Can’t Take Accountability
Everyone makes mistakes, but how someone handles missteps speaks volumes about trustworthiness. A trustworthy partner acknowledges their errors, apologizes sincerely, and takes steps to ensure they don’t repeat them.
On the other hand, a partner who gaslights, deflects blame, or refuses to admit wrongdoing erodes trust over time. Eldemire highlights that accountability is crucial for building understanding and validation within a relationship.
Red flag behaviours:
- Stonewalling or shutting down conversations.
- Blaming you for their mistakes.
- Avoiding conversations about their actions or brushing off concerns.
Why it matters: A lack of accountability signals an unwillingness to grow or repair the relationship when issues arise, leaving you feeling unsupported and undervalued.
3 – They Make Big Promises Without Follow-Through
Declarations like “I’ll never hurt you” or “I’ll always be there for you” can sound comforting, but their value lies in consistent follow-through. A partner who fails to back up their promises with actions may use words to manipulate or fast-track the relationship.
Actual trustworthiness means owning mistakes and making tangible efforts to improve. For example, if they miss an important event or neglect shared responsibilities, they should actively work to make amends and prevent it from happening again.
Red flag behaviours:
- Repeatedly breaking promises with no effort to make things right.
- Using sweeping statements to gloss over more profound issues.
- Focusing on words rather than actions to show commitment.
Why it matters: Trustworthy partners align their words and actions, demonstrating reliability over time. Without this alignment, doubts about their sincerity can grow.
Final Thoughts
While no one is perfect, trust is built through openness, accountability, and follow-through. A trustworthy partner demonstrates consistency in their words and actions, takes responsibility for their mistakes, and is willing to share their true selves with you.
If any of these subtle signs resonate in your relationship, it may be worth addressing your concerns with your partner or seeking support from a professional. Rebuilding trust requires honesty, effort, and mutual commitment. Learn more about our couples therapy.
