Sometimes, the line between love and hate or passion and pain can feel as thin as a thread—especially if you’ve experienced trauma. The reasons for this are complex and varied, but here’s the gist: researchers have found that when two strangers are put in a thrilling situation together—like a swinging bridge—they’re more likely to feel attracted to each other than if they met somewhere mundane, like a park bench or the grocery store. Fear can deepen bonds in ways that go beyond the superficial, warm connections we typically imagine. These bonds can feel like heavy chains, tying you to someone even as you hold out your hands, asking to be tethered.
When Love Hurts More Than It Should
Love or Trauma Bonding?
Intimacy vs. Intensity
Learn To Tell The Difference
Recognizing the signs of trauma bonding versus genuine love is crucial, but it’s not enough on its own. Many of us know deep down that being on that emotional rollercoaster is harmful, but it can still be hard to let go. Research has shown that being in a high-conflict, lonely relationship can be worse for your health than smoking. This kind of loneliness, especially when you’re close to someone who remains emotionally distant, can be uniquely painful, leaving you feeling isolated and disconnected from the peace and comfort that relationships are supposed to provide.
Acknowledge and Educate Yourself
Change Your Perspective
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Making room for grief is a key part of breaking free from trauma bonds. Grieving can feel contradictory and unpleasant, but it’s necessary because grief is tied to acceptance. Acceptance is about dealing with reality—not the relationship you wished for, but the one you’re in. Even if the relationship continues, it will change, and you need to grieve the loss of what you thought it was or what you hoped it would be. This process can be painful, but it’s also the pathway to healthier connections in the future.
Embrace Change and Growth
Remember, we have many relationships throughout our lives—sometimes with the same person, sometimes with different people. As challenging as this concept might be, it’s inherently hopeful. It means we have the ability to change, heal, and grow. With dedication, patience, and the right support from our relationship counsellors in London, we can free ourselves from trauma bonds, form secure attachments, and learn to love in a healthy and fulfilling way.